Lisa Desatnik
Courage, Confidence and Candidness
My intern, Brittney Bash, a junior at Cincinnati Country Day School is so wise beyond her years. In this post she shares her own, very personal meaning of the words courage, confidence and candor.
I’m one person out of 4,404,625,370 in the world, a single face among the masses. I am young, indecisive. I can be stubborn, snippy, and sassy. Life throws me opportunities and sometimes I can’t catch them. Too often I find my beliefs being swayed, like branches in the breeze, by those around me because I have yet to plant my own roots. It can be hard for people to establish a solid foundation for their morals, I believe this is because we have a seeming incapability to feel the same way on topics when we are constantly experiencing new things that have the ability to change how we feel. However, I also believe that once we look inside ourselves to at least try and find what matters to us, we will know what personal values hold steady in our hearts and benefit from incorporating those values into our lives. There are three traits about myself that I absolutely know are important to me and that I search for in others.
Courage is a value of utmost importance to me. Fear is humankind’s most prevalent and powerful obstacle. We fear everything, and there will never come a day when we are truly fearless. The only fear that we have any hope of squandering is the fear of ourselves. By acknowledging one’s worries and weaknesses we have the capability to discover our passions and strengths. Unfortunately, too many of us fear the acceptance of the idea that we are not perfect, and that fear entangles itself into every situation. Once we obtain that mentality of perfection being unachievable we can let go of our shortcomings and focus on the things that make us incredible. It takes a lot of courage to do even little tasks such as admitting when you are wrong, and following your heart. Fear is like shadows, every object has one and even in the light, a certain angle can enhance it, making the shadow (something nonexistent) seem bigger than the object itself. I strive everyday to stand up for what I believe in, even if it means I stand alone. Humans are creatures of constancy and any sort of change evokes an uneasiness within them. Due to this fact I never allow myself to fall into any situation that is too comfortable or easy. By pushing my limits I push myself to experience life in its rawest, truest form.
Confidence is the trend that never goes out of style and looks good on everyone, but it takes hard work to maintain a positive self-image. It takes self-affection and self-reflection. It’s a common occurrence, yet we let others define our own greatness. We crave opinions about ourselves from those around us because we want to know that someone sees goodness in us or to use their criticism as an excuse to believe we will never be “good enough”. Truth be told, we will always have a false perception of who we truly are as individuals as long as we let other people instill in us who they think we are. Instead of fighting for acceptance from others, I fight for my own self-acceptance. Once we free ourselves from the confines and expectations of those around us we can become independent thinkers and will no longer need to rely on their approval.
Life is a precious thing to me, there are so many aspirations and dreams that I have but I realize that the most fun and fulfillment come from the journey. My life is a stream of candid moments, jamming out in the car with my sister, dramatically missing balls at lacrosse practice, and joking around with all of my friends. I’m not graceful, and there are a lot of things that I’m just not very good at, but I live life for the experiences. My quirky personality encompasses both my courage and confidence. I believe that I am my best self when I’m surrounded by various different personalities and get along with all of them. I dance in the rain, I stray from trodden paths, and I climb on my roof to watch the sky. I battle with my fears and I sometimes have to remember its okay to dress down in public. I have high standards and goals and sometimes it hard to not feel discouraged or beaten down when I don’t reach them. Disappointment is a part of life and even if I’m unable to predict my future, at least I can rely on the certainty of my values and morals, which will always remain steadfast in my heart.
A Lesson In Diversity
I met actor John Lawson through my work promoting the 2015 Cincinnati ReelAbilities Film Festival. He became a very dear friend, mentor and role model to me.
John and another friend, Danny Woodburn, are two highly talented actors and comedians who I respect so much for their ambition, professionalism and integrity (among many other values). And, with so much hype last night and leading up to last night of the inclusion issues surrounding the Oscars, there was a population who needed to be part of that discussion and was omitted. It is the population to which John and Danny belong, actors who have disabilities. There are many of them. They want and deserve equal opportunities but few of them get the roles. How often it is that Hollywood casts actors without disabilities to play the role of those very capable actors who do have disabilities. Really, this discussion needs to happen around every workplace and within the community as well. When we talk about inclusion and diversity, we need to remember it is not simply a black or white issue. It is much broader.
John wrote this about himself. It has a pretty important message within in. Please take a few minutes to read his story…and think about what it is you can learn 
from it.
February 4th 2016 passed and I completely forgot that 29 years ago in 1987, I was in the North Carolina Jay Cee Burn Center and the surgeons were amputating my left hand. About one month later, they had to amputate my right hand as a result of injuries I sustained in an electrical accident. I was working a “real job” as my dad use to say in between acting and singing jobs. I had started playing piano at age three, started lessons at four and took lessons continuously for 17 years. And now after spending over half my life studying piano, at age 30 I would never play again. That day started me on a road that I never intended to take and down a path that has been filled with the perils and rewards of living with a disability.
First I have to say, I am not here to inspire you. I have lost count of the number of strangers that approach me in public while shopping or pumping gas to tell me that I am an inspiration. I guess they mean well, but they are just sort of congratulating me for getting up that morning and remembering to put my pants before I left the house. There is nothing inspirational about pumping gas or grabbing a can of green beans off the shelf. I am here to tell you that you have been lied to about disability. Most people believe that because you have a disability that your life is worse; that being a disabled person is a bad thing and that if you live with the disability, it makes you exceptional. Living with a disability is not a bad thing and it certainly doesn’t make you exceptional or inspirational.
Unfortunately, with the rise of FaceBook, InstaGram and Twitter, this falsehood endures and is reinvigorated by pictures of a child running on carbon fiber blades with the words “ Your excuse is invalid,” or a person using a wheelchair and the words, “Before you quit, try.” Or a person with Downs Syndrome smiling and the words, “The only disability in life is a bad attitude.” There are many more and I know you’ve seen them. It’s what I call inspirational porn. You may snicker, but I use the word “porn” purposefully, because these images belittle and objectify one group of people for the sole benefit of another group of people. In the examples above, we are trivializing and objectifying disabled people for sole benefit of non-disabled people. The only purpose of these images is to motive you, to inspire you so that when you look at them you can think, “no matter how bad my life is right now, it could be worse. I could be that disabled person with no legs or I could be that person in a wheelchair.” It’s all there to make you lessen your problems or put your worries in perspective.
Life as a person with disabilities can be somewhat difficult and we do have to overcome some things. But it’s not the things that you may think. It’s not the things to do with our bodies that we have to overcome. Now, I have used the terms “people with disabilities” and “disabled people” decisively because I believe in what’s called the “social model of disability.” It states that disability is caused by the way society is structured, rather than by a person’s impairment or difference. It looks at ways of removing barriers that restrict life choices for disabled people. When barriers are removed, disabled people can be independent and equal in society, with choice and control over their own lives.
This model not only applies to society, but should also apply to the entertainment industry as well. With the recent swell of diversity dialogue spurred by the Oscars So White the most underrepresent group, Performers With Disabilities, (PWDs) has not even been mentioned in the conversations. The USC Comprehensive Annenberg Report on Diversity in Entertainment was released which frames its findings of significant gender and racial gaps as an “inclusion crisis” and an “epidemic of invisibility,” and completely failed to measure the appearance and inclusion of PWDs. This report represents comprehensive? Inclusive?
In 2015 GLADD’s report, “Where We Are On TV,” it stated less than 1% of characters on television were portrayed with disabilities. The actual number of PWD actors working the roles is even less, with most roles done by able body actors. Current statistics show there are over 58 million people or nearly 20% of the population in the US with some form of disability while a recent study conducted by Neilson established that people with a disability represent $1 Trillion dollars in discretionary income spending, yet their depiction in television is less than 1%. PWDs cross all races, ethnicities, genders, age and sexual orientation. It’s not an exclusive club, but something you could join in the blink-of-an-eye.
Next year, I will have been using my prosthetics for as long as I had my hands. Half of my life wearing hooks. Do they replace my hands? No, but they are a tool I’m forced to use for maintaining my independence in a society designed for able body people; a tool for me to pump my gas or load my grocery cart. I’ve learned to use my prosthetics to best of my ability, just as many of you have by using your hands or your body. So this takes me back to those kids in the pictures we see littered around on all our social media. They are not doing anything out of the ordinary or exceptional. They are just using their bodies to the best of their ability. Is it fair that we objectify those kids in those images and trivialize them using their bodies to the best of their abilities by sharing those memes?
I know when people tell me, “I’m an inspiration” that they mean it as a compliment. I do understand that, but the reason it happens is because of this lie, this falsehood that’s been sold to the public that disability makes you exceptional and makes you inspirational. I’m sorry; but honestly, it doesn’t. I really believe that this falsehood, that this propaganda that we’ve been sold is the greatest injustice. It makes life hard for us. Oh, and that quote about “the only disability in life is a bad attitude,” is total bullshit. It’s just not true. No amount of me smiling at a piano keyboard with a positive attitude will allow me to play as I used to touch the ivories with ten fingers.
I want to live in a society where someone with a disability is not the exception, but accepted as a norm. I want to live in a society where a man stuffing a grocery cart is not an inspiration just because he is using prosthetics. I want to live in a society where we don’t have such low expectations of people with disabilities that we congratulate them for getting out of bed and remembering to put on pants. I want to live in a society where we place value on genuine achievement by disabled people.
And remember the social model of disability? When barriers are removed, disabled people can be independent and equal in society, with choice and control over their own lives. I want to live in a society where I can be the PWD actor that is hired for the “dad” role, the “banker” role, the “hero” role and he just happens to be missing arms and that’s the norm. I want to work in an entertainment industry where disability is not the real “inclusion crisis” and the true “epidemic of invisibility.
Marty Polk Inspires By Example
Marty Polk has smiled at me and asked me about my day more times than I can count. No matter what I am doing or where I am on the exercise floor at the TriHealth Fitness Pavilion, I can’t help but notice him. Holding a towel in one hand, his eyes are drawn to people like magnets. His is that familiar face that always 
carries a smile, inviting everyone to take up conversation. Marty knows no strangers there. His is everybody’s friend. On a day when there is no sunshine, he brightens it just by being present.
I had known that Marty was a retired police officer but not much more. After sitting down with him and his son, Martin, I developed a whole new level of admiration and respect.
For 30 years Marty was a plain clothed officer working in the Cincinnati Police Department’s park unit. Often his job was undercover, helping to bring to justice the people selling drugs. But there is much more to his story than searching for the bad guys.
On those days when he walked Cincinnati’s parks, he was also on the lookout for those needing a step up. Marty had a reputation for fairness and integrity. He wanted to help people he met who were down on their luck. “I wouldn’t give them money,” he told me. “I would take them to White Castle or someplace else to get them something to eat, or I would bring them food or coffee. As long as they tried, I was always helpful to them.”
I am willing to bet Marty paid for this out of his own pocket. He was also known for taking people who were homeless to the Drop Inn Center or another agency like the Salvation Army.
Those acts of kindness changed and empowered lives. Several individuals even came back to tell Marty he turned them around from a path headed toward destruction, saved them.
“It is why I wanted to be a police officer,” he said. “We are here to help people. I always tell people to try and do the right things, be positive and return favors to others. When I know I have helped someone, it makes me feel good inside. It shows that police officers can do more than just be police officers. We can take care of people.”
But Marty’s story has taken a turn since those days walking the Cincinnati Parks. Just three months past his retirement, January 18, 2012 to be exact, he had a stroke that took away use of his entire right side…and one of his greatest gifts, his speech. He was hospitalized for three months, during which his family never left his side. He endured a rigorous schedule of therapies that detoured when he coded three separate times from a blood pressure drop. He battled long and hard. Ultimately Marty’s journey took him from a wheelchair to a cane to being able to exercise three days a week….with enough energy left over to greet everyone with whom he comes in contact. His trainer has him spend 30 minutes on the elliptical machine, ride the stationary bike for 5 miles and walk a mile in less than a 15 minute stride.
Since his stroke, Marty has even become a seasoned 5K participant, having walked in two Flying Pig races, the American Cancer Society 5K, and the NFL Hall of Fame Walk.
“He is my best friend and role model,” Martin said sitting next to his father.
Lisa: What are some life lessons you have taught your sons?
Marty: I always have taught them that when you approach people, you call them ‘Yes Sir’ or Yes Ma’am’. I try to teach my sons the way my father taught me to be honest, have integrity and do the right things in life.
Lisa: What do you hope you impact will be?
Marty: I like to inspire people. It is the reason why I try to speak to everyone to see how their days are going because not everyone has good days. But you’ve got to keep fighting to maintain what you have got.
#GoodThingsCincy
Practice Forgiveness
Please Meet My New Intern
I am thrilled to introduce my new intern, Brittney Bash, who lives in New Richmond, Ohio and is a junior at Cincinnati Country Day School. As soon as I met her, I knew she would be a great fit for Good Things Going Around. She is someone who, like me, gets a lot of joy out of seeing others smile. She loves to be involved in her school and her community, and clearly learns about life from her experiences. And she is so enthusiastic about being a part of this blog. I am looking forward to getting to know her and her contributions.
Please learn more about Brittney from an introduction that she wrote about herself.
Brittney Bash, In Her Own Words
Hi!
It really is a privilege to work with Lisa and I can’t wait to help her promote her blog, Good Things Going Around.
I grew up in a big family in a small town. I have two older brothers, a twin sister, a little sister, three nephews, and a niece. Throughout the last couple of years my home has also been the hotspot for British Soccer trainers looking for a place to stay. Their presence in the family has not only brought tons of giggles and memories but also opened many cultural gateways.
When I was young my aunt hosted many exchange students, and at a very young age I realized my passion for travel and interest in the diversity of different cultures. To date, I’ve visited England, Mexico, The Dominic Republic, Holland, Belgium, and France. I hope that my list will multiply throughout my life.
I enjoy playing sports and the sense of fulfillment and accomplishment that comes along with the experience. I’ve done cheerleading, swimming, gymnastics, soccer, lacrosse, and track. Sports have given me many valuable skills such as the ability to work as a team, confidence, communication skills, and they have also helped enhanced my leadership capabilities. Outside of sports I also enjoy singing in my school’s A Capella Club, and writing for the school newspaper, The Scroll. I’ll admit, one of my weaknesses is my impulsiveness to try new things. In addition to singing and writing I’ve also helped out with the Filmmaking Club and Science Olympiad.
After a busy week I find time to enjoy hobbies such as journaling, meeting with my youth group, socializing, and spending time with my family. I love spreading my sense of humor and joy to others and I am an active member of The Council of Disruptive Thinkers where we discus current topics in Cincinnati in attempt to find ways to help others in need.
Although I may be young, I hope that my many experiences, my open mind, and my optimistic persona bring a fresh perspective and refreshing insight to Good Things Going Around readers.
Brittney
#GoodThingsCincy
