In Memory Of My Mom

It has been such a long while since I have posted on my Good Things Going Around. Life has gotten in the way.

One of those reasons was my dear, sweet mom’s ailing health. It began with a bad fall that among other things cracked the back of her head open causing swelling and bleeding on her brain. About nine months later she was diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia.

Mom always enjoyed reading my Good Things newsletters so I wanted to do a special post in her memory and honor.

If you are unfamiliar, Lewy Body is a wicked disease that combines dementia with Parkinson’s. With Lewy Body, we were told that the progression is fairly quickly. And, once it really kicks in, the progression is rapid. As mom lost more and more of her memory, she also began losing her motor skills. Over time, her ability to walk and even just transition from bed to her wheelchair and from her wheelchair to another chair or a toilet became increasingly difficult. She became irritable at night. She lost her ability to feed herself. The disease also took away her memory of many of her friends and so many of life’s meaningful moments.

Our greatest gift was that it never erased in her mind our immediate family. And it did not erase her ability to say I LOVE YOU. She said those words often…to family, to friends, to her homecare workers, to her hospice team. Mom had a rare, beautiful and generous heart; and a gift for making everyone feel welcome and special.

She was our precious mother, my dad’s soulmate, until her last breath…and now beyond.

Mom is at peace now from the difficulties of her body. She will live in our hearts forever.

I miss her so much.

I miss our phone conversations – often 3 or more a day, when she would call to tell me things like what she was wearing, what their dog Sam did, or who she ran into at the store. If she wanted something, she had this adorable way of asking, “You wouldn’t by any chance be going by …..”. Sometimes I would get voicemails from her that simply said, ‘Hi, I’ll talk to you later.”

I miss mom telling me how proud she and dad were of me. She did that often.

I miss her smile and giggle. They were two of her defining traits. The two of us could just start laughing at the silliest of things.

I miss her kindness toward people. Thinking of others’ needs before her own was so much a part of who she was. I remember so many times when she would say she wasn’t hungry just so there would be enough food for everyone at the table. But she also was that way with everyone.

I miss her compassion toward non-human animals. I can remember returning from school one day to find my mom about in tears, sitting on the kitchen floor. It was where she spent her entire day because the moment she tried to leave, the puppies we were raising would cry and she couldn’t stand for them to be alone. When we would go to the My Furry Valentine mega adoption event, mom loved holding the puppies. She would go up to people looking at a dog and try to convince them to bring it home. My parents have a ceramic dog in their kitchen and she would often stop by to pet it. Mom loved our own pets so very much – Sam, their dog, and Dawson, my dog. It was a challenge keeping her from giving Sam parts of whatever she was eating.

I learned so many important life lessons from her. These are some of them.

To be thankful for every day.
To laugh often.
To reach out and be kind to others.
To value your friends and those in your life that give it meaning.
To remember that it is NEVER too late to say I AM SORRY or THANK YOU
To get great pleasure by being around people who matter
To eat ice cream often
To make everyone feel welcome
And to have compassion for non-human animals

In her final week with us, Hospice picked up my mom to bring her to their facility so that my dad could have  respite.  Before they put her on a gurney, I sat with her and held her hand. I told her how much I loved her. And she told me how much she loved me too. And I told her we’ve had a wonderful life – she has had a wonderful life. Mom was not very coherent on that day. She was not able to speak much. But for some reason, she was able to focus for just two minutes…to remember. She held my hand and she told me one final time, “we have had a wonderful life. We are so blessed. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful husband and a wonderful family.”

That was my last real conversation that I had with my mom. It is a gift that I will carry with me the rest of my life. I will always remember those phone calls. Our annual plant excursion. Laughing together. Crying together.

I will hold her lessons close to my heart, learn from them, and do all that I can to practice them.

Thank you, mom, for all that you were. All that you gave. And all that you taught.

Mom, I love you…now and forever.