cancer survivor
Thoughts For Living A Fulfilling Life
Tami and Mike Boehmer
If you follow my blog, you may recall a few posts written by Tami Boehmer, known to many as a brave and inspirational cancer warrior who took on the disease not only through her own fight but the fight of so many others. She was an author (of two books about cancer survivors), a blog writer (of Miracle Survivors), a mother, a sibling and daughter, and a loving wife. Tami was also a friend.
This is part of what she wrote in a post I shared on my blog:
“My goal is to give people hope and a different way to see themselves as a survivor and patient. I encourage my followers to be active participants in their healthcare by researching their options, getting additional medical opinions and taking care of themselves in body, mind and spirit. I feel it is detrimental to give patients death sentences. My mantra is: ‘Statistics are just numbers that lump together a large, diverse group of individuals. You are not a statistic.'” – Tami Boehmer
Tami’s husband, Mike, and her daughter, Chrissy, were there when Tami transitioned in 2015. And I have no doubt she is looking down on them, very proud of the way they are choosing to LIVE and appreciate their lives. Mike just wrote this. He shared part of it on his own blog and he added his own ’24 hour plan’ here to remind us of how we can embrace our days, and give them more meaning. I think we can all learn from his words. I know I can.
In Mike’s Words:
While walking from Fisherman’s Wharf to our motel in the Marina District of San Francisco early on New Year’s Eve, my 17-year-old daughter asked me to sum up 2016. We were finishing an enjoyable week in Northern California, including some great family time with Tami’s brother, Doug, my sister-in-law, Kim, and nieces Kaitlin and Grace (both in their 20’s).
My immediate response to Chrissy: “Glad it’s over.”
As she knew, I experienced some deep sadness at times in the first full year since Tami’s transition. She took her last breath on Nov. 4, 2015 after living with metastatic breast cancer for almost eight years.
But, then, I recounted the many positives of 2016 for me: the college visits with Chrissy, experiencing her senior year finales, our vacations in Seattle/Vancouver and California, attending many rock shows (including Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr with Chrissy), family gatherings, a fishing trip to Rice Lake with my brother and brother-in-law, Reds games, moving to a new office at work and developing closer relationships with colleagues there, starting yoga and attending a weekly meditation meeting, remodeling our bathroom… I expressed gratitude for my widow/widower groups and grief counseling since they helped me work through the yuck.
Mike and Chrissy Boehmer
Probably my biggest plus: Learning more deeply the value of living “one day at a time.”
“You sure say that a lot,” Chrissy said. My response: “I need to, so I remember it.”
I told Chrissy I’m eternally grateful for the kindness and support of many, many people as I walk this unwanted path. I feel so blessed to have developed relationships with lots of people who have lost loved ones and made the best of their situations. I’m definitely not alone.
Finally, I relayed to Chrissy that I’m feeling pretty good as we embark on 2017 — much better overall than a year ago at this time. I am very, very grateful to feel mostly happy most of the time. I’m thankful for the many lessons learned, especially about the value of living life one day at a time, one moment at a time. I’m trying to remember the slogan on a coffee cup someone gave me several decades ago: “Enjoy life. This is not a dress rehearsal.”
Chrissy then resumed sharing her thoughts about 2016 and plans for 2017 and beyond. It’s a moment I’ll never forget, listening to my wonderful daughter share her ups and downs and outlook for the future. One precious moment on one amazing day in the final hours of 2016, a year now in the rear view mirror.
Some practices to help achieve the “24-hour plan.”
(1) End your day with a routine. For me that involves inventorying my day. What could I have done better? What did I do right? Was I thinking of myself, or what I could do for others? Etc. I write in a journal for several minutes, then do some reading.
(2) Start your day with a spiritual practice. Get still and say a few prayers, read a daily reflection book, and meditate briefly before heading out the door.
(3) Take breaks during the day, especially those involving physical exercise such as walking or yoga. I actually got so relaxed in noontime yoga one day that I fell asleep during our down time at the end of the session!
(4) Remind yourself to “do the next right thing.” I’m amazed at how my daunting to-do list gets done when I plug away at it, instead of obsessing about it.
(5) Prioritize. Take care of the important stuff, and realize other tasks may have to wait.
(6) Connect. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been stressed to the hilt, but calmed down after connecting with friends or family — either in person or by phone, text or other messaging.
(7) Meditate. This has become more and more important to me. I’m learning how to close my eyes, sit comfortably, breath through my nose and clear my mind. Powerful practice, for sure.
(8) Service. Focus on what you can do for others (after taking care of yourself), instead of what you will get. See what you can bring to life, to the party.
Bobby, You Just Made My Day!
On the other end of the phone, I hear “Lisa! You just made my day!”
It is the kind of welcome that I have come to expect when I call my long time friend, Bobby Harrison; and pretty high up there on my list of reasons why I value our friendship. This is not only the way in which Bobby approaches our relationship, I have a pretty good indication it is how he sees all of his life, and the people who are part of it.
One could say he has a knack for being at the right place at the right time. But that would not give credit to where credit is due. People like to work with Bobby, and just be in his presence, because he has so many outstanding qualities. In his personal and professional relationships, he exudes genuine integrity and a sense of caring about the welfare of others. He has a rare ability for spontaneously coming up with jackpot ideas for creating impact. And his positive outlook is infectious.
Among those for whom he has created outreach programs include NBA player Tyrone Hill’s Celebrity Basketball Classic and Stedman Graham’s Athletes Against Drugs Program. He has created a statewide HIV/AIDS minority advertising campaign and created a video for Dial Corporation’s 75th anniversary of their flagship brand, Dial soap. His long list of clients (past and present) has included Procter & Gamble, Macy’s, Boy Scouts, YMCA, Honda, and Stedman Graham. And, for the past 23 years Bobby has served as creative director for the Macy’s Music Festival, working with industry greats such as Ray Charles and Aretha Franklin.
Really, this only scratches the surface of Bobby’s achievements. He is an accomplished musician who, many years back, was in a band that opened for the Jackson Five and the Commodores. He is an artist who draws and paints, and attended the Cincinnati Art Academy. Currently he is pumped about his idea and project that is quickly gaining momentum. It is about building interest in music among school children. Bobby and his team have been presenting it to organizations, businesses and educational institutions. Every time we talk, more organizations are stepping up to become involved. You will be hearing more about it soon.
I look up to Bobby, president of The Harrison Group, as a creative genius who has no fear of looking adversity in the face and saying, “You will not get in my way.” For my dear friend, that foe is non-hodgkins lymphoma. It is something that lives in his body permanently and nearly took Bobby’s life. It has changed his perspective and given him renewed incentive to appreciate everything with stamina and vigor.
Bobby told me his story one day over lunch. It came on suddenly. One day he began limping. Three days later his leg was becoming numb. He drove himself to the emergency room and had to crawl on the ground from the parking lot. The physicians told him he probably pulled his hamstring running, gave him food and crutches and sent him to his own doctor, who, after a five minute exam sent Bobby back to the emergency room. It ended up being the result of a massive blood clot that stopped six inches from his heart. During that ten day hospital stay they found out the underlying reason. Bobby experienced an intense ringing in his head like nothing he could even describe, and he was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer in his bones. It was the one time in his life that Bobby contemplated suicide.
“But I was lying there and couldn’t get up to go to the bathroom. And I looked out the window and saw birds landing on ledges and realized ‘that is life’. I realized I want to be that bird and be able to fly anywhere. It changed everything. I decided I don’t want to be around negative people any more. I don’t want to have any more arguments. I want to have a good time in life. I never want to live with regret,” he said.
These days Bobby is the one to lift others up. When he gets his chemo treatments, he is the one to make others smile and forget for a little while of the unpleasantness of the moment. When friends are going through difficulty, despite his crazy busy schedule with deadlines and meetings, he is a present spirit with encouragement.
He is an incredible human being who makes the world brighter by being in it. I, for one, am better for having him around.
Author Tami Boehmer Has Second Book On Surviving Cancer
I have known Tami Boehmer for many years, long before a diagnosis changed her life and her family’s forever. She is someone who I admire so much for her fighting, uplifting spirit and her appreciation for everything that matters. Tami has used her circumstance and her skills to encourage and inspire others – those who are also living with cancer, those who love someone with cancer, and really everyone. Tami recently published her second book. Thank you to her for sharing this post.
by Tami Boehmer (Award winning author, blogger, and speaker)
It has been seven years since I learned I had metastatic (stage IV) breast cancer. It was my worst nightmares come true. I had just celebrated five cancer-free years after being diagnosed with stage II breast cancer. My daughter had just turned nine years old. My first thought was, “Will I be around to raise her?”
According to statistics and a couple of doctors I spoke with, it was highly unlikely. One told me I would “most certainly die of breast cancer.” No doubt about it. I responded, “I’m too stubborn to die”, then left determined to prove her wrong.
I recently read a quote on a metastatic breast cancer Facebook page: “Faith sees the invisible, believes in the incredible, and receives the impossible.” — Anonymous. My faith was shaky when I was first diagnosed, but there was a spark there waiting to be ignited.
I had spent my career in health care public relations, where I wrote success stories about patients who beat the odds of illnesses. I took a permanent leave of absence after being diagnosed this second time, but started feeling empty and depressed. I decided to use my experience and share stories of people who had beaten the odds of stage IV cancer.
When I started interviewing individuals for my first book, From Incurable to Incredible, I had only seven months under my belt as a stage IV breast cancer survivor. My primary goal was to inspire hope and show that it was possible to beat the odds of a terminal or incurable prognosis. Not just for my readers; but for me, as well.
In Nov. 2014, my second book, Miracle Survivors: Beating the Odds of Incurable Cancer, was released by Skyhorse Publishing. I share my story, along with 23 other cancer survivors from around the country. With many years under my belt as a survivor, I got to know more people who are thriving years beyond what anyone expected and have learned many lessons from my own “school of hard knocks.” The book reflects my new perspective, as well as those of others like Carole Kubrin, who has been living with stage IV, HER2-positive breast cancer since 1998, and Greg Cantwell, a stage IV glioblastoma multiforme (the most aggressive form of brain cancer) survivor since 2004.
The book also includes an introduction by best-selling author Bernie Siegel, MD, and forewords by miracle survivors ePatient Dave deBronkart (a stage IV renal cancer survivor since 2007), the best-known spokesman for the patient engagement movement, and award-winning blues vocalist Curtis Salgado (diagnosed with stage IV renal cancer in 2007), who was the inspiration for the movie, The Blues Brothers.
While I call the individuals in this book, “miracle survivors,” overcoming the odds wasn’t something that just happened to them. Each person took a very active role in overcoming their challenges by becoming advocates for themselves and others and never giving up.
There are no winners or losers or the right or wrong way to deal with cancer and other major life challenges. But I know from experience and from talking with hundreds of people living with cancer that how we live our life is a choice. As the recently departed ESPN commentator Stuart Scott said, “You beat cancer by how you live, why you live and the manner in which you live.” That’s what my work is all about.
Tami Boehmer is an award-winning author and blogger and speaker. Her second book, Miracle Survivors is available in hardback and e-book versions through Amazon, BarnesandNoble.com, Target.com, Skyhorse Publishing’s website and via Tami’s website, www.miraclesurvivors.com. An audio version is also available on Audible.com.
Cancer Survivor, Tami Boehmer, To Share Story At Event
Life doesn’t always make sense to me. I don’t understand how someone so special, so filled with love, and with so much to live for, is forced into war against a vicious enemy.
That enemy is breast cancer. And the brave warrior of whom I am speaking is my dear friend, Tami Boehmer. It was in February 2008, just months after celebrating her five year, cancer free anniversary with her husband (Mike) and daughter (Chrissy) by her side that Tami received the news – she was diagnosed with metatastic breast cancer recurrence.
To cancer – I have this to say, you have crossed the wrong person!
Tami interviewed survivors nationwide who have lived far beyond what the medical establishment predicted, and compiled their stories in an internationally acclaimed book, From Incurable to Incredible: Cancer Survivors Who Beat the Odds. Tami shares these stories, as well as valuable information on healing the body, mind and spirit; on her web site and blog, www.MiracleSurvivors.com.
Recently, Cision Navigator named Tami one of the Top 10 Most Influential Breast Cancer Bloggers on Twitter. Her blog was also named one of the top 23 breast cancer blogs by www.Healthline.com.
From Incurable to Incredible was named the winner of the Health-Medical category of the 2011 Readers Favorite Awards and award-winning finalist in the 2012 Indie Book Awards and 2011 International Book Awards. Best-selling author Bernie Siegel, MD, who wrote a foreword to her book, called it “A book everyone should read.”
This Saturday, at the New Thought Unity Center in East Walnut Hills (1401 E McMillan St; Cincinnati, OH 45206) from 5 to 6 pm, she will be sharing her story. And it is a great story to be told.
Power of Positivity
(Guest blog post by Tami Boehmer, author of From Incurable to Incredible: Cancer Survivors Who Beat the Odds)
One thing I love about Lisa’s blog is that it focuses on positivity. When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer in 2002 at the 
age of 38, I vowed that I would not sink into self-pity. I continued doing what I loved, including taking care of my then three-year-old daughter, despite going through aggressive chemo. When it came back and spread to other parts of my body in 2008, it became more important than ever to live my life to the fullest and find hope in what seemed as a hopeless situation.
We went to MD Anderson in Houston for a second opinion. The oncologist there told me and my husband that I would die of breast cancer. When we were in the car, my grief turned into anger. “How does she know how long I had to live?” I said out loud. “She didn’t even know me!” At that moment, I affirmed I was going to prove her wrong.
I had always gained strength from other cancer survivors who had overcome the disease to lead flourishing lives. Faced with a dire diagnosis, I needed to talk with other cancer survivors who didn’t accept doctors’ predictions … people who beat the odds. And I was determined to find out how they did it so I could do it myself.
On one of my daily morning walks, an idea popped into my mind. “Why not write a book about other advanced stage cancer patients and how they beat the odds?” I thought it would be therapeutic for me, and more important, help others. I soon began interviewing cancer survivors from around the country for my book, From Incurable to Incredible: Cancer Survivors Who Beat the Odds. And I started a blog called Miracle Survivors, where I featured their stories and more, along with ways to heal the body, mind and spirit.
I shy away from news reports and studies that talk about poor survival rates. Statistics are just numbers that lump together a large, diverse group of individuals. They don’t apply to me, and they certainly don’t apply to the people I’ve interviewed for my book and blog. A perfect example is Ann, who was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer in 1999 and has been cancer-free since Sept. 12, 2001. And there’s Dave, who was told 23 years ago he had six months to live and today is running marathons with no evidence of disease.
I’ve heard so many powerful success stories; it seems beating the odds of terminal cancer is more of a norm, rather than an exception. When I struggle, I think of how the people who shared their stories in my book and on my blog never gave up despite setbacks. And almost all of them are thriving today. It gives me hope and purpose, knowing I’m helping others get through their struggles, too.
I participated in an interesting Twitter live chat a few months ago on metastatic breast cancer. This was the first time I had done a live chat and I was interested in hearing other survivors. I and a few other individuals brought up the subject of hope, and I was a little surprised how the conversation turned to impassioned complaints of being pressured to be positive.
Then I read a guest post on a fellow blogger’s site about the same topic. She stated, “Breast cancer has not made me a better person. It has not transformed my life for the better. I have not gotten some insight into a level of spirituality I was hitherto ignorant of. I have not learned to appreciate the little things.” This obviously is a sticking point for many people.
No one should tell anyone how to feel. We all react to things differently, and it can be detrimental to your health to hold in feelings and pretend to be happy when you’re not. But I don’t think this a black- and-white issue.
Do I always feel grateful and happy? Of course not! I’ve had friends die and suffer immeasurably because of this disease. My family and I have suffered, to be sure. But I want people to know there is another side to this – and yes it is … (dare I say it?) positive.
Hi, I’m Tami and I’m a gratefully recovering pessimist. (“Hi Tami,” the group responds.) I have become an optimist because I choose (choice being the operative word) to remain positive despite negative statistics and reports.
The irony is that, although positivity and hope slowly became part of my MO, it was having metastatic cancer that kicked it into full gear. There’s nothing like a strong dose of mortality to make you realize that life is too precious to waste on being miserable.
If I get worried about death or getting sick, I work through it; then get on with living. My lovely daughter has a way of bringing me back into the moment.
Tami Boehmer is a metastatic breast cancer survivor, speaker, blogger and author of From Incurable to Incredible: Cancer Survivors Who Beat the Odds, available on her web site, Joseph Beth Booksellers, Cincinnati Good Samaritan Hospital gift shop, New Thought Unity Center, Whatever Works, Amazon and BarnesandNoble.com. Through the end of November, Tami is donating 10 percent of her proceeds to the National Breast Cancer Coalition (along with her continual 10 percent to LIVESTRONG). You can visit her at www.MiracleSurvivors.com.
