Toast of the Town Toastmasters Club
Kay Inspires High Heeled Success
It was some twenty-five years ago but it was a moment Kay Fittes will always remember. Sitting beside her husband on their way back from vacation, Kay looked at Barry and asked him, “Guess what I am going to do on Monday?”
Puzzled, he simply told her, “I have no idea.”
The rest of that conversation went something like this…
Kay: “I am going to give a month’s notice at work.”
Barry: “And do what?”
Kay: “I am going to start my own businesses.”
Barry: “With what?”
Kay: “With plastic.”
What followed was “beyond terrifying,” Kay told me. “I don’t know that I didn’t wake up to feel panicked for five years.”
Admittedly, that is not exactly the advice she would give any other woman but it was a decision that just seemed right at the time. Kay was doing mental health training and education for a Cincinnati psychologist. She had written a contract for her employer that would allow her to do 40 hours of work, with 10 of those hours to be done at home. “Just before our vacation, someone stopped me in the office one day and told me there was a problem,” Kay shared. “She told me my co-workers were complaining because I was making them look bad.”
Life is like that sometimes. We get knocked down and then come to realize, it really was just all part of this bigger plan to move us to make life decisions we may not have chosen otherwise. Decisions that open doors we didn’t know were closed. Decisions that push us to get out of our comfort zone, dig deep to find our inner passion, and pursue that passion with a vigor.
That is exactly what happened for this woman across the table from me. I first met Kay in a five-minute conversation during the Cincinnati Business Courier’s Mentor Monday BizWomen event. I have really gotten to know her through my Toast of the Town Toastmasters Club (she is one of the founding members). She is someone who I respect, admire and see as a role model. She also is someone who is just fun to be around.
The Beginning Of Her Journey
And so, in 1990, with her piece of plastic, her experience as a mental health therapist and facilitator, and her expertise as a business trainer and presenter, she founded her company as Strategies for Women Growth, now High-Heeled Success, LLC.
Over the next 28 years, she has spoken to close to 100,000 women and presented over 2,500 seminars, workshops, and keynotes. She is the author of Achieving High-Heeled SuccessTM: 50 Ways for Career-Oriented Women to Succeed. Her second book, How to Raise Your Self-Esteem: A Self-Enhancement System for Women, is part of the curriculum of the Hamilton County Ohio Justice Center Women’s Substance Abuse Treatment Program. Kay also has authored Your Guide to Life-Changing Presentations and created the CD Panic to Power: Swift and Simple Strategies Anyone Can Use. She has served as a consultant and presenter to the business, medical and educational communities providing programming to such diverse groups as Ethicon, IBM, General Electric, Cincinnati Children’s Hospital, and the Ohio Department of Education.
Kay is a member of the National Speakers Association; the American Society for Training and Development; the National Association for Self-Esteem; the Association of Female Executives; the American Association for University Women; and eWomenNetwork. She is past vice president of the Ohio Council for Self-Esteem, past area governor for Toastmasters International. She holds an Advanced Toastmaster designation and has won numerous speaking contests. In addition, she is a Certified Trainer and holds a Credential for Leadership Training. Kay also sits on several advisory boards for women’s advancement.
“I’d love to say there are never days like what I experienced in the beginning. It still happens when a business opportunity does not go the way I wanted it to go but the days are fewer and father apart,” she said, “I love what I do.”
Getting To Know Kay
Lisa: Mentors can play such a pivotal role in our personal success. Who was a role model for you in your career?
Kay: I have had so many, however, one person who made the biggest difference for me was my second boss. I was lifelong Girl Scout before we moved to Georgia. I was trying to get into the mental health field. My boss suggested that I go see Gail Kirocofe at the Girl Scouts office. I interviewed with her and she became my greatest mentor. She saw things in me that I didn’t know where there. She was a softly powerful woman and to this day, when I get in tough spots, I ask how Gail would handle it.
I later had a chance to track her down. She is in her 80s now and recently wrote a children’s book. I was able to tell her, ’I am where I am today because of you’ and that was pretty exciting. If she hadn’t seen what she saw in me, which I didn’t even see, I don’t know where I’d be today.
That is what I aim to do now with other women. I just participated in Mentoring Monday with Business Courier again as the fifth time this year and it is wonderful to give back.
One of the things I know is that we are all role models. Someone is always watching us and if we can stay aware of that, we will be our better self because we know that people are watching and emulating.
Lisa: What is a piece of advice you give to other women?
Kay: One piece of advice is to unlearn the mantra, ‘Work hard, be good at what you do and you will succeed.’ That is a big fat screaming lie. We can work our backsides off but if we are the best kept secret in town, then we will be the worker bee and not get the opportunities, the respect and the rewards that we want. It is an ongoing game plan to say, ‘How do I become more visible? Do I have advocates, and have an intentional strategy for how am I going to get to where I want to go other than just working tail end off?’
Lisa: I’d love to learn more about your simple pleasures.
Kay: We have two wonderful granddaughters. One is 10 and the other is 3. With my oldest granddaughter, I find myself wanting to be that role model to give her the kinds of guidance and opportunities that I didn’t have as a child. The three-year old is just plain screaming fun. I am enjoying every minute of that.
I am also passionate about antiques. We did a major remodel several years ago and go on antiquing trips. When I finally find that specific piece, wow, what a rush that is! Everything I collect is something we use. It is a pleasure I enjoy tremendously.
Being A Teenage Mom Taught Resiliency
I have been involved with Toast of the Town Toastmasters Club in Kenwood for close to a year now. In addition to the incredible opportunity it has given me to practice and hone my speaking skills, it has opened a door through which I have built relationships with many uplifting and inspirational people.
Rakel Sanchez, health management director at Horan, is among them. Most definitely she is one of the reasons I look forward to my Tuesdays at Noon. She greets everyone with a smile. Whether or not she has known you for a year or an hour, she asks questions to learn more about you. She encourages you to participate. When she serves as an evaluator – a role I think is one of the most difficult of roles – she gives positive, constructive feedback in a way that makes people feel good about themselves and their abilities. As a fellow Board member, I have seen how she steps up to the plate with creative ideas and initiative to take on tasks for the betterment of our Club.
One day, Rakel shared with us a very personal story about her journey and life lessons from having been a teenage mother. It touched all of us. It gave us yet one more reason to be proud to have her as one of our leaders. Since I didn’t record it, I asked Rakel if she would write some of that story for my blog. Please read it below.
In her own words…
“A life challenge that I overcame was not allowing an event, that shaped my life forever, to derail me from achieving my dreams.
When I was 16 years old, I became a teenage mother. As one can imagine, this had a profound effect on my life and my future. However; I was determined to not allow my new identity of being a teenage mother define my legacy and close doors on my future. Instead, I allowed for it to become the catalyst in which I would strive to achieve my goals, not only for myself but for my young son.
As challenging as it was to redefine who I was as a young adult, I knew that without an education my life dreams would not be achieved. Ultimately, what I sought was to become an independent woman who could support myself and my child and provide the life I knew he deserved.
I graduated high school with honors and continued my studies at a local community college. Upon receiving my associate’s degree I continued forward to a four year college and graduated two years later with a bachelor’s degree in health education with honors. From there, I went on to pursue an advanced degree and graduated a few years later with my master’s degree in public health. It has been more than 16 years since then. My life was forever changed by the birth of my son but, because of my strength, determination, grit, family support, and faith in God I would not be where I am today.
I have learned through my life challenge, no matter what unexpected event life throws your way, you have to discover your self-resiliency and never give up on yourself. We all face trials and tribulations but the key to overcoming any obstacle is to have faith, do the work, make the sacrifices, and surround yourself with people who are going to uplift you–especially when you feel defeated. Know that it will not be an easy path but once you climb the mountain and get to the top, the view is AMAZING and it’s in that moment you realize the gift was in the climb.”
Lessons From Transitions
Before Labor Day, my Toast of the Town Toastmasters Club lost one of our dearest members. Several years after her first meeting, after having served as our Club’s VP of Education (the most time intensive of our Board positions), inspiring and uplifting us with her humorous and thoughtful speeches, critiques, and leadership, she gave us her last farewell speech. Margo accepted a dream job for herself, working downtown for Macy’s – which means our Kenwood lunch time meetings no longer fit into her schedule. Margo’s speech was about transitions. As could be expected, it was insightful and powerful. Its messages are ones we all can learn from and live by. I recorded it and am sharing the transcript below.
Transitions by Margo Hess
One of the things that I have taken away from my 2 years at Centennial Inc. is that we are always in a time of transition. Think about that.
You are always either in transition or thinking about what is next. How many of you can say that where I am today is definitely where I will be next year – whether it be personally, professionally or whatever financial goals you have?
It is a big transition for me but it is a time of transition for everyone in this room.
About a year and a half year ago I came to my first Toastmasters meeting at the arm of Becky. She said you are going to go to this meeting and it is going to 
be good for you. And I sat in the back. She made me put my name in for table topics. I groaned. At the first meeting, guess what happens, I got picked.
Now here we are and it is my 10th speech. That in itself is transition.
Transitions can be bitter sweet. There is the excitement of something new, what is next, who am I going to meet, what am I going to do, what am I going to accomplish. But there is this sad part. The ‘this is my last time I am going to do this or the other. Or the last time I will see this person on a regular basis. The last time I will pull into this parking spot. Even the last time I will likely be at this meeting.’ Those are the sad parts.
Through it all, you have to remember that it is ok to be sad. And it is ok to be glad. Things change for a reason.
So it is during those times of transition when you need to focus on a few simple rules:
Think about what and who got you here. For me personally, there is a long list. My family, my grad school mentor, my college friends who kept a light even when I was unsure. We all need those people. But I think it is not enough to reflect on those people. I think you need to thank those people and let them know they inspired you. And let them know they mattered. And then take it a step further and see if you can inspire them back. Also think about where do you come from, what got you here.
This next opportunity is a passion for me. It is a mix of things. It is everything I have learned at Centennial. It is the start of me as a celebrity at the Old Navy through a weekend sales person at Bath and Body to a manager. The marriage of those things. It is the use of my masters degree.
It seems like it is one big jump but it is made up of a lot of little steps. Transition is just a big goal that is divided into chunks. It is the what and the where and the people that got you there.
I think that is the sad part .It is sad and happy at the same time because you are thinking about the people that matter to you and you are thinking about the sequence of events that got you there, all the random lunches with your work family, all the nights with your friends, and all the work in between.
And that is ok. You are supposed to think about that. Because it matters and you are supposed to feel thankful for that.
But there is the second part to that. It is ok to be sentimental. You should also be really excited. It is ok to move on and it is ok to move forward because it is not like you are just disappearing off the face of the earth. Especially in this day and age. You can communicate with anyone.
Just because you move on, that does not mean that you lose those people. Instead, it is time to connect with the new people whether it be bonding over cooking, couponing or alligators at the zoo, it is connecting.
You are keeping your old friends and making new friends. Connecting over common interests and realizing that the next step is here and you can do it. You have taken all these steps, all these people, these places and you are ready.
Be excited. Be sad. It’s ok.
Finally, it is realizing it will not be your last transition. So be sad. Have your last lunch. Know there will be another last lunch and another first lunch. And then another last and another first. And enjoy all that because that is what is going to make you who you are. If you can take that and share that with others, then maybe transition won’t always be so scary. Maybe transition is a good thing. Maybe it allows other people to step up to the plate and be there best.
I encourage all of you to think about your personal transitions, where you are today, and what got you there; and where you want to be tomorrow and what will get you there. Say thank you to those who helped you, help someone else, and just have fun and laugh a lot because life is too short not too.
And to Margo, I want to say thank YOU for pushing me to keep scheduling my speeches, for your encouraging words and smiles, for your laughter and your insight….for just being you! I, and all of us at Toast of the Town will miss you!
